Memories!
"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them."
Deuteronomy 4:9
We wrote down what we were thankful for...family, friends, nature, moments...and I placed each family member's leaf on our thankful tree for the year. A couple nights before I had decorated the tree with all the leaves we declared our thanks on over the past few years. I had grown to love this tradition we had started only a few years back. It's a beautiful thing, to recognize the good in your life. It's a beautiful thing, to be able to say thank you!
I looked at each person's thanks written on leaves of orange and red. I saw the varying good they had to celebrate with each passing year. And even though the thanks we had to give was all unique, it was certain that, however small or big, each of us had something to be thankful for in and out of the years.
I knew instantly when I read my Grandpa's leaf without having to flip it over and read his name. This year, Grandpa wouldn't be putting a leaf up on the tree. In fact he wouldn't be joining us for dinner or even making a call to say, "Happy Thanksgiving". And I was instantly struck with heavy sadness. A part of me wished we could have started the tradition sooner. I wished I had a pile to remember the things my grandpa saw as good in his life. I desperately clung to the one leaf I had and the last time I remember my grandpa being able to say thanks.
The Alzheimer's stole my grandpa's memory. What started out as forgetfulness quickly turned to a complete lack of knowledge of his name and our names or even our presence at some times. It moved so fast, and suddenly the man who had taken care of us our entire lives, could do nothing but be taken care of himself. My grandpa, the man I loved so dearly, is relatively gone. Moments come, in glimpses of smiles or little hugs, and I see him still there but it'll never be the same. My grandpa can't form the words to give me advice anymore about life and boys. He can't tell me stories of my mom growing up and as we gather around the table as a family he's not there to tell us how much he loves us or share in an elaborate speech all that he has for which to give thanks.
Sometimes I wonder what goes on in the mind of my grandpa. I don't know what he comprehends and what he doesn't. I don't know if he thinks the same thoughts he did before and just can't communicate them to us or if it's blank. I have no idea if he any longer understands the emotion of thankfulness. There is no way for us to really know. And we will never know again what my grandpa feels in his heart. That thought brings tears to my eyes.
A disease has taken away my grandpa's ability to give thanks. But what about me? What about my ability to do the same thing? Why do I find myself waiting for one Thursday a year to recognize the good in my life?
My grandpa, his memory is gone and despite the fact that his wife, any of his kids, or grandkids would give the world to help him get it back, that's never going to happen. Yet, without even realizing it, I think so many of us live our lives from day to day forgetting that our memory works. We forget to keep our memories alive. And fail to see that they can serve our lives in such a way that everyday when we wake up we should be bursting with thankfulness.
Times in my life are so evidently overflowing with God's presence. I see Him working and pouring love down on me and my heart explodes with gratitude, for a period of time. Then, time passes, struggles occur, and things capture my attention. And guess what happens? I forget. I know God is good and I know He has blessed me. But the feeling, the greatness of His love, and the ways He has moved in my life become distant memories that I forget. And I struggle. Time separates me from those good moments. And the bad moments tend to consume my focus.
Isn't it strange, how easy it is to forget that amazing moment, yet you remember every detail of that most embarrassing one? We are human. And forgetfulness is a way the devil uses to separate us from the love of Christ. In the bible God reminds us to "keep watch" and to "stay awake". These warnings can be seen as God saying to each of us, don't forget. He's telling us, do not forget all the good, do not forget the miracles you have witness, and do not forget my love. Keep His memories alive.
God works in our lives, so that our gratitude to Him can bring Him glory. He shows us beauty so that our natural response is to fall down in worship. And when we remember His goodness, there's nothing else we can do! But in those moments when we forget, those are the moments when His goodness is no longer reflected in us.
I'll pack up my grandpa's leaf with all our other fall decorations soon, only to bring it out again next year and the year after. Every year, I pray that in the littlest way that leaf is my grandpa's reminder to us all that even in the hardest moments of our life God has blessed us with something to be thankful for...memories, moments, or gentle smiles. My grandpa can no longer express his gratitude. But for as long as I can, I'll be thankful for the lessons God has shown me through him and I'll live to keep his memory and the memory of a savior who has done beautiful things in my life alive.
Don't forget. Keep the memories of Christ's goodness alive within your heart and declare your gratitude with your life. Thanksgiving is not our only opportunity to give thanks. Each of us, I'm sure have been given so many reasons from God, each day, to be thankful. In the words of my grandpa, on his thankful leaf, "we have a great life together", let us live and love like that!
Deuteronomy 4:9
We wrote down what we were thankful for...family, friends, nature, moments...and I placed each family member's leaf on our thankful tree for the year. A couple nights before I had decorated the tree with all the leaves we declared our thanks on over the past few years. I had grown to love this tradition we had started only a few years back. It's a beautiful thing, to recognize the good in your life. It's a beautiful thing, to be able to say thank you!
I looked at each person's thanks written on leaves of orange and red. I saw the varying good they had to celebrate with each passing year. And even though the thanks we had to give was all unique, it was certain that, however small or big, each of us had something to be thankful for in and out of the years.
I knew instantly when I read my Grandpa's leaf without having to flip it over and read his name. This year, Grandpa wouldn't be putting a leaf up on the tree. In fact he wouldn't be joining us for dinner or even making a call to say, "Happy Thanksgiving". And I was instantly struck with heavy sadness. A part of me wished we could have started the tradition sooner. I wished I had a pile to remember the things my grandpa saw as good in his life. I desperately clung to the one leaf I had and the last time I remember my grandpa being able to say thanks.
The Alzheimer's stole my grandpa's memory. What started out as forgetfulness quickly turned to a complete lack of knowledge of his name and our names or even our presence at some times. It moved so fast, and suddenly the man who had taken care of us our entire lives, could do nothing but be taken care of himself. My grandpa, the man I loved so dearly, is relatively gone. Moments come, in glimpses of smiles or little hugs, and I see him still there but it'll never be the same. My grandpa can't form the words to give me advice anymore about life and boys. He can't tell me stories of my mom growing up and as we gather around the table as a family he's not there to tell us how much he loves us or share in an elaborate speech all that he has for which to give thanks.
Sometimes I wonder what goes on in the mind of my grandpa. I don't know what he comprehends and what he doesn't. I don't know if he thinks the same thoughts he did before and just can't communicate them to us or if it's blank. I have no idea if he any longer understands the emotion of thankfulness. There is no way for us to really know. And we will never know again what my grandpa feels in his heart. That thought brings tears to my eyes.
A disease has taken away my grandpa's ability to give thanks. But what about me? What about my ability to do the same thing? Why do I find myself waiting for one Thursday a year to recognize the good in my life?
My grandpa, his memory is gone and despite the fact that his wife, any of his kids, or grandkids would give the world to help him get it back, that's never going to happen. Yet, without even realizing it, I think so many of us live our lives from day to day forgetting that our memory works. We forget to keep our memories alive. And fail to see that they can serve our lives in such a way that everyday when we wake up we should be bursting with thankfulness.
Times in my life are so evidently overflowing with God's presence. I see Him working and pouring love down on me and my heart explodes with gratitude, for a period of time. Then, time passes, struggles occur, and things capture my attention. And guess what happens? I forget. I know God is good and I know He has blessed me. But the feeling, the greatness of His love, and the ways He has moved in my life become distant memories that I forget. And I struggle. Time separates me from those good moments. And the bad moments tend to consume my focus.
Isn't it strange, how easy it is to forget that amazing moment, yet you remember every detail of that most embarrassing one? We are human. And forgetfulness is a way the devil uses to separate us from the love of Christ. In the bible God reminds us to "keep watch" and to "stay awake". These warnings can be seen as God saying to each of us, don't forget. He's telling us, do not forget all the good, do not forget the miracles you have witness, and do not forget my love. Keep His memories alive.
God works in our lives, so that our gratitude to Him can bring Him glory. He shows us beauty so that our natural response is to fall down in worship. And when we remember His goodness, there's nothing else we can do! But in those moments when we forget, those are the moments when His goodness is no longer reflected in us.
I'll pack up my grandpa's leaf with all our other fall decorations soon, only to bring it out again next year and the year after. Every year, I pray that in the littlest way that leaf is my grandpa's reminder to us all that even in the hardest moments of our life God has blessed us with something to be thankful for...memories, moments, or gentle smiles. My grandpa can no longer express his gratitude. But for as long as I can, I'll be thankful for the lessons God has shown me through him and I'll live to keep his memory and the memory of a savior who has done beautiful things in my life alive.
Don't forget. Keep the memories of Christ's goodness alive within your heart and declare your gratitude with your life. Thanksgiving is not our only opportunity to give thanks. Each of us, I'm sure have been given so many reasons from God, each day, to be thankful. In the words of my grandpa, on his thankful leaf, "we have a great life together", let us live and love like that!
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