ForeverLOVEd

Dear God,  A couple months ago on a Saturday afternoon, I started a conversation with you. My heart felt heavy and I had no where else to turn. Comparison and envy had stolen my joy. A not good enough, unlovable, needy, and selfish version of myself was peaking it's way out of the polished package I usually hope to present.  And try as I might to find an honest response to these feelings in the world, everyone and everything, was coming up just a bit short.  The beauty of a melody floated in the background, and the metal design on the door caught my eye. But as I made my way to share this time with You, my hope held on to the promise of your love.  And you said something to me that day, that has stuck with me every day since then. We as humans fall so short of perfection, and maybe that's where I get lost sometimes, in the perfection of it all. But where you found me that day was in GRACE .  The gifts you have given each of us are so unique. Each placed so perfectly i

Dear Mom,  " Many people mistake our work for our vocation. Our vocation is the love of Jesus." -Mother Teresa If there's one thing I have known all my life, if there is one truth I had to bank all my money on or one truth I had to follow to the grave, it would be the following. I was made to be a mom. It's funny you say, for someone who is not a mom to say such a thing. Most days I think it is weird even for me to believe. But I know this one truth for one reason. And it has nothing to do with me, but has everything to do with my mom.  If I had to tell you about my mom I would describe her as this, loud, over the top, busy and full of love. You know how one word can kind of encompass who a person is, like a brain, or a beauty, a jock, or a social butterfly. Well there is really only one word that captures everything about my mom. And the word is just that; mom. At her very core, my mom is and always has been a mom.  And a girl raised by a great mom wishes to

Dear Real Man,  LOVE " bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:7   I will admit it. I am a lover of the bad boy persona. For as long as I can remember, I have been intrigued, almost captivated, by the boy who stood out for being a trouble maker, way cool, or just bad enough. Somewhere in my heart, my longing for love led me to these boys who were from the start TROUBLE. What the heck was wrong with me?  All my life, I have struggled to trust. Too many times in my life I have been let down by men. Growing up, when I needed them to come through on my behalf, they did not. And in my heart I built a defense. I let myself fall, but never for the right type of man. I let myself be intrigued by the bad boy, and blind to the real man.  It is easy not to be disappointed by someone who you expect to let you down. It is easy to accept someone treating you poorly, when that's what you expect from them. It is easy to be f

Dear Time, "For a stalk to grow or a flower to open there must be time that cannot be forced; nine months must go by for the birth of a human child; to write a book or compose music often years must be dedicated to patient research ...To find the mystery there must be patience, interior purification, silence, waiting...." -Pope John Paul II I'm a self confessed list maker. I like writing things down to simply cross them off moments later. I like the accomplishment of a completed list and a fresh start with the turn of the notepad. All my life really, I've been making lists. And as a result, all of my life, I have been driven to complete tasks a quickly as possible. The check marks are endless. I complete one list after another. Even when I was young, the perfectionist in me wanted to get as much done in as little time as possible.  The other day my mom brought up a funny story about me in the 3rd grade. As the story goes, I used to dress myself for school the ni

Dear You,  LEAN IN.  'The past is no longer yours; the future is not yet in your power. You have only the present wherein to do good.' St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori When I was in the fourth grade, my heart ached. I had drove to the drug store with my mom and noticed a man sitting all alone on the curb. He looked defeated. His clothes looked old and worn. His hands were covered in dirt. He held a sign asking for help. And for me, he was my first real encounter with homelessness.  That year for an art submission, I drew a picture of this man. And all my life that encounter has remained with me. My heart ached because I saw in that man a struggle, a struggle I felt so unable to help.  To this day, I see these people. Maybe the homeless, maybe the lonely, and maybe the scared. And you see the double edged sword is this, I see them, but my heart hurts as I walk away so distracted by my life that I do not have time, or talent, or treasure to change their situation.  We dec

Dear Driven, "Do not forget the LORD, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery; who guided you through the vast and terrible desert with its saraph serpents and scorpions, its parched and waterless ground;who brought forth water for you from the flinty rock and fed you in the desert with manna,a food unknown to your fathers." Deuteronomy 8:14-16   I am never allowed to drive. Even as an adult woman, my dad never considered my ability good enough to put the pedal to the metal. Road trips, therefore, were a time for me to sit in the back seat, coke in the cup holder and book in my hand. But this year, my brother wouldn't be along to share in the driving with my dad. And this year, I was not willing to be made a mere passenger. This year I would drive.  The morning we left, I helped load the car. Somewhere along the road I became an adult. My stuff was ready to go! And I was wide awake, so I volunteered insistently to drive the first le

Dear Elliott,  No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 One time someone told me, "Forgiveness is key." Key to what? Well, quite frankly it's key to so many things. Forgiveness may be the key to happiness. Or the key to moving on from the past, a door to the future. Forgiveness is key in relationships. Key in communication. The key to living out faith. It is a concrete existence of mercy and of love.  So why is it so hard to grasp this key? Why is it so hard to forgive?  I woke up to a text from my friend. The link was to a video. "Did you see the news about this nightmare?", she asked!  I had not even turned on the news or scrolled through my social media posts yet. I started watching and my stomach began to ache. With the heaviest of heart and th

Dear Thief, A tranquil heart is the life of the flesh; But envy is the rottenness of the bones. Proverbs 14:30 Comparison is the thief of joy.   Yet, everyday I wake up and think to myself, if only I was as skinny as her, or as smart as him. If only I were more funny like him, or pretty like that girl. And I walk through my day letting comparison be the thief. Jealousy starts stealing my happiness. Envy begins to destroy my bliss. Sin starts to break into my being. My desire to be as gifted, fabulous, beautiful, or loved as someone else slowly starts to suck out the life God created within me.  The truth is, I know I should not compare myself. I know God created us each to be perfectly who He intended. I know each of our journeys are uniquely our walk with Him. Yet, my mind keeps telling me, if only. And my heart keeps longing for that adventure or journey someone else is on. And my eyes keep seeing that someone else has more; more beauty, more money, more excitement in their life

Dear Life in Ruins,  " Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies" John 11:25 They say, "Be careful what you wish for," and as someone, who is herself all around way too careful, I have made my wishes as such. But, when you start making plans you never stop to consider what God may have to show you as a result. It was never our wish really, we did not even comprehend all it could mean, and we certainly did not expect what it would produce, but somewhere along the way God placed on our hearts a retreat weekend based on the theme, "Let the ruins come to life."  When we picked this theme, last fall, we never saw how God would build it into so much of our lives this spring. And maybe we chose the theme after thoughtful consideration as to what God wanted, or maybe God picked the theme for us most certainly from the beginning, but either way it goes, chicken then egg or egg then chicken, that th