Dear God...a letter of GRACE.

Dear God, 

A couple months ago on a Saturday afternoon, I started a conversation with you. My heart felt heavy and I had no where else to turn. Comparison and envy had stolen my joy. A not good enough, unlovable, needy, and selfish version of myself was peaking it's way out of the polished package I usually hope to present.  And try as I might to find an honest response to these feelings in the world, everyone and everything, was coming up just a bit short. 

The beauty of a melody floated in the background, and the metal design on the door caught my eye. But as I made my way to share this time with You, my hope held on to the promise of your love. 

And you said something to me that day, that has stuck with me every day since then.

We as humans fall so short of perfection, and maybe that's where I get lost sometimes, in the perfection of it all. But where you found me that day was in GRACE. 

The gifts you have given each of us are so unique. Each placed so perfectly in our souls, our gifts collide together in each of us to make us perfectly who you have designed. And yes, she may be prettier. And yes, he may be better with words. She may bring laugher or creativity to the world better than I do. And he may have a heart of gold. But our lives, our love, and our purpose do not stop at gifts alone. And to be quite honest, my gifts do not define me either. What makes the difference between a person and a saint? One word changes everything, GRACE. 

This Christmas I have been in a "zen", "less is best", "no one really needs anything" state of mind. An avid shopper, who thrives on a good deal and thoughtful gifts, I have not even wanted to make my way to the store for browsing, let alone spending. And it's not that I am not in the Christmas mood, or that I do not love the holiday, it is just that I cannot seem to get over the fact that all this stuff we fill our lives with is just stuff really. Do we really need another cute blouse? Will the new shoes really fill our hearts with the joy for which we long? 

Don't get me wrong, I love gifts. And will be happily pleased with the things my mom so thoughtfully picked out and wrapped under the tree. But I guess the point is, are the gifts alone enough? Do they fill us? Do the satisfy us? Do they bring our hearts a sense of complete fulfillment? 

My answer is no. 

I'm not the smartest, sweetest, or silliest. I cannot say that I have been blessed with all the gifts I often wish I were. I cannot sing on key, or tell amazing stories, or stand in a crowd and chat away with strangers. But I am also quite aware that there are some things, some gifts, You have given me the ability to use.  But where I was lost so often was in thinking that my desire to use the gifts for Your cause was enough. 

What you said to me that day, I can never even begin to put into my limited words. But I will sum it up as something like this; there will always be someone who has something or does something better than you, and the world will make that a message of falling short. But, I do not define you by these comparisons. I see you by your willingness to surrender to the grace I give you. 

That moment, grace changed me. My life is not defined by what I have or what I lack. It is defined by the moment I let grace win. 

I may not be the best at anything else, but  I am learning that I have the power to become the most perfect form of me with a simple yes to the grace of God. 

My life is nothing, without your will Lord. My heart is nothing, without your love for it. And despite all the brilliance I find in the gifts I have to give others with thought and care, I know they are nothing without your grace. 

We can put a million boxes under the tree and call it joy. But the truth is that if love does not come alongside the mounds of crumbled paper, and if the thought that pours out of each gift does not tug at your heart, then the meaning of Christmas is lost in the middle of all that stuff. Christ, you are in our lives, not so we can have more or be more than we ought. But rather that through your love, mercy, and grace, we discover that who you destined us to be is the very person we are when we let you have our whole hearts. 

Thank you for the gifts you have given me in my life. And for the gifts you have allowed me to see in others. By your grace, help us to serve each other and in doing so bring one another closer to you! 

My heart is yours, 

Danielle

"It is by grace you have been saved through faith; And not of yourselves, it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8