'Til Death.

"And the tree was happy." 

My favorite book of all time is, "The Giving Tree". This story chronicles a journey between a boy and a tree. As the boy grows, his needs for the tree change. And as the boy comes and goes, the tree's love for the boy remains. The tree offers every part of its being to serve the boy. And the boy needs every part of the tree; branches, apples, trunk, and stump. I have read this story at least 100 times. And every time I pick it up, I am in awe of the love of the tree. To give your everything for the life of someone else, that is love. 

The week of thanksgiving my Grandpa passed away. He had been sick for awhile and we were all as prepared as we could be, but it's never easy to face the end. A couple weeks ago we said our last goodbyes at his funeral mass and burial service. In between readings and songs, I looked to the pew in front of me and saw my grandma. Then I looked to the right of the alter where a picture of my grandpa stood on display. That day my grandma sent her husband to heaven. 

And in the back of my mind all I could hear were these words, "til death do us part." 

Everyday as I make steps to truly discovering my vocation, God is revealing to me what it takes to love someone in marriage. And the reality is, that I believe one day, I will surrender all of me to a man, who will surrender all of himself back. And while that is to some extent actually terrifying, the more I grow in love with God, the more I am aware that this is exactly where Christ calls me to run. 

I think as we grow up our ideas of marriage, and love, and life are kind of immature. It all seems like a story book. Every page is just a watercolored picture of perfection. And I think that some days loving someone can look like that. But I also am becoming more aware, that most days it will not. And the craziest part is I know I was made to love someone despite the fact that love is not always easy. 

The truth is that each of us have a calling from Christ. God has a plan for each of us here on earth. And the somewhat daunting, equally beautiful, and big word for that call is our vocation. How is God calling us to grow, serve,  and let go of ourselves for the sake of love on this earth? Each of us have a different path. Some of us will surrender our lives to be Priests or nuns. Some will be called to grow and serve as single people who commit their time to serving friends, neighbors, and strangers alike. Some of us will be lay people called to surrender our lives to serve the church in ministries. And some of us will be called to give all of our hearts in a call to marriage. But whatever God calls you to do with your life, I will tell you this; it is going to take all of you. 

As my mind slowly wanders to thoughts about what it might be like to be married. And I start to actually picture what it means to commit my whole heart to someone for the rest of my life, I cannot help but realize how huge, and beautiful, and challenging, and amazing that decision is going to be for me. Marriage will change a lot of things forever. And the truth is that at the end of our journeys together, that man who makes me laugh, and gives the best hugs, and challenges me to be the woman of God I was made to be here on earth...that man, will be the same man that I send off to heaven one day or maybe he will be the one to send me. Until death do us part. 

Sometimes I wonder why God would place this call of marriage on my heart and then wait so long to bring a man worth loving that much into my life. But then the days come, when my grandma silently mourns her husband while giving him back to God himself, and I realize. That man, I know God has created for me to love wholeheartedly, deserves all of me.  And those parts of me, that I'm slowly discovering along the way, could not have been given five years ago, 6 months ago, and maybe even a couple weeks ago. But every day I know I am growing stronger in my relationship with God, and because of that I know one step closer to being able to commit to someone until death do us part. 

It scares me to have such a final say in who I spend my forever here on earth with, but I can honestly say, I do not think there is any way I could be better equipped. My decision to enter into the Sacrament of marriage, your decision to enter into the vocation Christ has built in you, might seem scary if we place it all in our hands. But, our hands hold nothing, when compared to the hands of Christ. So each day, I lift up a prayer that God will show me His call, reveal to me who He has for me to love, and someday make it certain in my heart that His will is for me to marry that man He has so evidently placed in my life. 

The thing about the tree in that story is, no matter how much she gives of herself, nothing makes her happier than bringing joy to that boy. Loving someone all the way to death requires so much; patience, humor, trust, work, dedication, selflessness, time, and hope. Following God's call for our vocation will literally take our entire lives. But, I also know that God places these desires in each of us because following them will bring us nothing less than JOY. When we go where God asks us, no matter how hard it might be, or impossible, or completely uncomfortable, I think there is that moment in the midst of it all when we stop and realize,"the tree was happy." 

Whatever your vocation is, give it all you've got. Nothing on earth will bring you closer to the heart of Christ and nothing else will bring you more happiness. 

My Grandpa rests with God tonight, and my Grandma knows that. And perhaps that is the greatest thing a man and woman can do for each other in marriage, not only love each other until death, but promise to fight for each other's eternity every moment until then. 

Lord, I trust you. Lead me closer to your heart, closer to my home in Heaven, and closer to the man you have created to walk that journey til death, and to eternity, with me.