LOVE is calling.

Every year on our birthday we could count on one thing. No matter how old we were turning, or how busy our day was, we expected a special phone call. I still hear his voice singing over the phone as I sat in the living room in Seattle and on the front porch in Texas. Grandpa made birthday phone calls. And grandpa made birthdays special. 

There's really nothing I like less in the world than talking on the phone. Even growing up as I chatted with my sweet grandparents, I got anxiety. It made me uncomfortable to carry on a conversation with someone who's facial expressions and gestures I could not see. The mystery scared me.  My heart even beats a little faster just thinking about it. But year after year I heard on the phone my grandpa, expressing his authentic love for me in the most beautiful version of happy birthday I have ever heard, because a birdie told him it was my special day. 

September 9th will never roll around again without me thinking of this man. And more importantly it will never roll around again without me remembering how special my life truly is. My grandpa taught me that. He made a simple phone call to say I was loved at 6 and 14 and 23. He dialed the phone, was authentic love, and changed me. 

My grandpa was the type of man who pushed me to be all that I could be, even when it scared me. And I did not realize it until I was driving home late the other night, but I think he is doing that now even though he is gone. I have been slowly and quietly inspired to make the birthday phone calls. I cannot sing in his elaborate matter or make his funny jokes. But I can pick up the phone. Wait for the ring. And say happy birthday...even if I have a small panic attack while doing so. 

Sometimes I wonder why I do things, as I am literally thinking of every reason why I should not. While I'm literally terrified. And then I remember my grandpa. When God gives you people, you love them. No matter what making the phone call, or extending the extra hand, or handing over the cash means to you. Because love is not really about you anyways. It's about God. 

God has given me so many people that love me. And more importantly God has given me so much love. The least I can do is stop my day for 5 minutes and be love to someone else. 

There's a quote that says, "Where there is no love put love and you will find love" -St. John of the Cross. My fear contains no love. But the second I put love in it, I hear the voice of a sweet friend on the other line. I get to catch up with someone I care about deeply. I get to invest in the life of someone beautiful. And love is there.  

There's a story called "The Runaway Bunny". The little bunny imagines every possible way it could disguise itself and runaway. And the mom explains that in every scenario she would still find a way to be love. "I would swallow my own heart before I let you escape."

Sometimes I want to run and hide from love. It's big and bold and quite frankly scary. But it's also so amazing that no matter where I hide, behind fear, or pride, or my awkward ways, love is persistent. And love finds me. 

I think in those seconds, when the phone is ringing and my heart is thumping out of my chest are the moments God speaks the loudest to me. He declares His love for me, kind of like my grandpa did on my birthday, and He reminds me how much joy He has waiting for me in my trust that He is greater than my biggest fear. And I also think that moment is my biggest declaration of my love for God too. It says I trust you enough to make the leap and I know love is bigger. 

I could keep running away. But I have decided I do not want to. My grandpa, he never ran from love, and his life was a legacy. My life here is short, so I will wait for the ring, and expect love to answer.