From This Day Forward.

"Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.” 1John 3:2 

I caught myself looking back.  It was a nonchalant glance. You know the one you do to survey the crowd. It had been awhile since I had been to Mass at my Parish and I just had to do the spin to see. Maybe the man of my dreams would be sitting there, five rows back, tall, dark, and handsome and kneeling in the pew. He was not. 

I turned around half disappointed, half appalled. As I bent my head to continue my prayer, I wondered why I did that. I get it. I'm hungry. In a real way, I am hungry to find the man of my dreams.

But as I looked back, and looked forward again, I saw something so obvious in my quest. I cannot be the girl that looks back any longer. And as I looked up at the Cross, and looked forward at my future, and all that God is calling me to, not only did I know that I could not keep looking back, but that I did not want to either. I am running towards Heaven, running towards holy, and I do not want to keep turning around just to be sure I'm not missing out. I know I am not. 

The man God has for me...I will not have to turn around to find him. 

God knows the desires of my heart. And the more I run towards His love, the more I know I need a man in full pursuit of Christ. There's a pure hope in my heart that one day, I will not look back and try to drag a man along, or look ahead, and try and be someone I am not, to catch up. You see, I think the day God longs to give me is the one when I look right next to me and find the guy I'm meant to love right there at my side. 

The day I looked back, I held onto this fear that if I did not, I might miss out. And I always worry that he might not see me if I'm not doing somersaults, or jumping jacks, or glowing with a cute outfit and gorgeous smile. But I know full well that the man I meant to love, is going to love me for more than all that. For so long it seemed like I had to be there, you know for him to see me? But what if there was exactly where I was, falling in love with Christ? What if there is letting God fill every piece of my heart? What if there is running towards holy? What if the man of my dreams is going to love me because somewhere along the way, I did not stand out for anything except for being there with God? This man of my dreams,I trust, will love me for the same reason I love him. I'm not the girl he's going to have to look back to see. 

A woman told me the other day that the best advice she ever received about her vocation came from a nun who told her to, "Never look back." Once you decide what God has called you to, you cannot abandon that call. You cannot turn around. You can not turn away. You cannot look back. Even when you feel as though you might miss out, you have to keep moving forward. God has called me to love. God has called me to my job. God has called me to my family and friends. And I've chosen to love them fully, I will not turn around. And I will not look back on my call to be a wife either. So that means putting my eyes on the future, setting my heart on Heaven, and never looking back again. That means taking every step to move forward with God. That means promising every day to run towards Him. 

It seems so natural to turn back one day and see what you have left behind. But that's the beauty of faith, so much goodness lies ahead. So much hope lies in what we are running towards. There is a beauty in knowing that everyday, I am striving, moving, growing, and changing because of the love of God. And better equipped am I to love everyone I encounter on this earth because of it. There's a day when I'll be there and he'll be there too. We will just look at each other and smile, because all along God knew we were meant to make it that moment. But that's the beauty, for now that moment is not behind me. The moment lies ahead. The glory of God is the promise. 

So from this day forward, I promise to run toward Christ, every day. Dream guy, run too. I will keep running, until the day I look beside me and see you sitting there, then, with you next to me, I'll keep running every day after that. 

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