Recycle ♻️

And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new." Revelation 21:5

 It was a rare Friday. Normally, a day off of work, I rolled out of bed motivated to get something done. I grabbed my brother for the adventure and we loaded up the family recycling into both of our cars. As sticky soda dripped from the bags, we piled one on top of the other. Every crevice of both our cars were filled to the brim. And so we sat in the one empty seat we both had still available and drove our way up the hill, I glanced at my clock and thought to myself, well this day is off to a running start. 

It did not hit me until I pulled up and saw the other people with their bags. We had four times as many. And maybe it was because we had not been to turn in our collection for over a year, or maybe we were just frivolous with our waste but either way, it made my skin crawl.  

I was disgusted. I felt like the scum of the earth as we unloaded bag after bag of empty cans and empty water bottles into the baskets for recycling. How horrible, I thought as I sheepishly brought each bag from the car, is it that I contribute to this much waste. It was gross, and I felt horrible. That day we recycled 14 bins worth. And I felt a little more guilt with each one. 

That same weekend I attended a party with good friends. In one of those stand still moments, I looked up and saw a sea of kids swimming around me. Babies, toddlers, little guys of all shapes and sizes. And then, it crushed and amazed me all at once. Those kids were beautiful, and life giving, AND all children of my friends. They all entered the world after I knew their parents and each of them had been prayed for, loved, and celebrated by the community. They were a literal example of new life. 

While my heart rejoiced with the gift of seeing and knowing such love, it sank a little too. There I saw God allowing such beautiful and genuine women to bring such pure life in to the world, and in my moment of doubt I wondered why them and not me? My desire begged the questions, when would it be my turn and would it ever be? 

This ache in me was strong and unrelenting. And a certain sadness filled me as I wondered how I was adding to this amazing story of new life with God if I had no new life to offer. Was I less than because I had not yet had the mission of motherhood? 

New life, that's what the Easter season promises us. And I guess one could get real caught up in the cute chicks, and little lambs, the wild flowers, and the sweet new babes. I did at the party that day. They are cute and adorable and everything exciting and promising. They are nothing like those bags of cans, used, discarded and empty.  And there I was feeling all those things, for a moment I thought I was left over, and forgotten in God's plan for new life. 

Holy Thursday I balled the whole mass. I cried as I imagined Jesus literally giving His life to us. I had to wonder how He could surrender knowing full well His fate. He stood there and gave Himself freely. And He gave us the greatest form of new life. Not a little chick or a new baby but a shot at eternity. And as I hear the greatest love story ever told, my heart beats a little stronger. Jesus was not the way to new life because He created it, He was the way because He loved. 

My heart waits eagerly for the day I get to live my own personal love story and maybe one day bring new life to the world in the form of a tiny human with ten tiny toes and small dimples on each cheek. But, I can't underestimate by any means the greatest love story God has already given me a piece of and the new life He let's me bring into the world each day. 

That new life doesn't crawl around on all fours or giggle or call me mom. That new life doesn't have a name I gave it or a room in my house. But that new life is raw and real and so much closer to the new life Jesus models. It looks like a piece of solid advice or a a reassuring you can do it to that soul who feels so lost in an overwhelming world. That new life feels like an extra hug given to that little guy who's mom is battling a frightening illness. It's more than just a brand new package tied up with a bow. It is the heartbreak as you mourn alongside a grieving friend and the door you hold open extra long for someone else to walk through. That new life is loving what already exists, not because you played a role in making it or have a say in how it all goes, but because you choose to be a part of the new life God is creating in Himself. It is being the bridge between two quarreling sides, or saying to the other, I've been there too. It is so much bigger than the new life that comes with baby showers and nursery days. 

The day we went recycling, I felt pretty gross for a minute, but I held on to hope as I realized that in recycling, even those piles of garbage could be made new! 

It is so tempting, to only buy the brand new case of waters, and only adore the mom with a brand new life, and only desire the chance to love when it's all yours. But gosh, can I just say, how beautiful it is to love the life that already exists, to help make each person, and relationship new, to let  your own heart be made new in each moment of love. 

My heart longs for the day I get to welcome new life into the world, what an amazing day that will be, but first, how exciting it is to know that amazing had already started. Amazing is the love I get to experience now, with some other woman's new life, that she so willingly has offered to the world and I have been somehow so entrusted by God to embrace it.  

It was slightly embarrassing showing up with two cars full of cans for recycling, but I think it would have been even more disappointing not to. What a shame it would be to waste it all? There's something good here now, in this moment, in this love, in these empty cans. 

Here's to productive Friday mornings, the chance to recycle, and the gift God gives us in the lives we all get to be a part of!