ForeverLOVEd

I didn't see it coming, just like most of life's best moments, I did not plan it. Yet there it was, a good thing sitting right in my lap. There was a day I thought I'd never do it again. There was a moment I thought my love would be lost forever. There was a night when tears soaked my pillow and I cried myself to sleep. There was a day.  And then so often like there always is, there was a new dawn. And there I held the promise of my Father in my own two hands, like a shining birthday gift wrapped in pink polka dots and glitter. My heart twirled like it does when you get the sweetest hug from a good friend or great love. My soul sang the goodness of the Lord. And I saw that in all things, He begged for me to know life.  The chairs sat empty as I waited for beautiful faces to fill them and prayed that the Holy Spirit would let me be a vessel of God's love. I pinched myself about a thousand times to verify that this moment was not just again a vivid dream. And whi...

"But He knows the way I take; When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:10  I was in a state of grieving. There in the middle of despair, I found my heart mourning greatly. I did not lose a family member or a friend. I did not  have to prepare a funeral or send a card. There was no formal goodbye. But in so many ways, as the tear welled up in the corner of my eyes, I wished there had been. Maybe letting go would be easier, if I buried this loss under heaps of flowers and trusted with all my heart that now God held this thing in His own two hands.  But here I sat, grieving, a loss that scooped me up like the wind swings the leaves on a blustery day. And as I let the salty drop roll down my face, my heart broke into pieces.  Every process in life, every epic fail and great success, every moment refines us. The day I learned to make lasagna for the cute boy coming to dinner and the morning I drove to my new job for the first time or the night I thought I...

"Love consumes us only in the measure of our self-surrender."  -- St. Therese of Lisieux The dawn of a new day.  The blank page.  A fresh start.  That clean break.  The crossover between what was and what is.  Here it lands on my calendar as I look ahead to September. Two numbers, one day, and a whole lot of angst.  I never thought I'd be who I am currently the week I turned 30. I would never have told you I saw life panning out this way. Looking back, I never thought it would take me this long to get here or grow this much or figure out life. I never thought I would still be sitting on the verge of some of lives' grandest adventures.  But here I am. Ready to start the next decade, slightly sad to see the last one go, and quite aware that I am just wrapping up what could be called the best summer of my life.  And while I'll spare you all the details of my "so good" summer. I'll tell you this, I lived my last summer of my 20's as we hash-tagge...

"It is because of faith that we exchange the present for the future." -Saint Fidelis of Sigmaringen  I remember writing a poem in the sixth grade about riding my bike! We lived in Seattle at the top of a hill and I was fond of riding my bike between the green trees on summer nights, as the sun danced in pink and orange across the sky ahead of me! I would glide up and down the hill and through the streets until my mom called me inside. I loved riding my bike! I loved it so much, I wrote a poem about it.  This past week I escaped to an adorable little town off Lake Tahoe. The evergreens, and mountain air caught my heart right away. And the view, which was quite literally the type Nicholas Sparks writes about in his books, stole my breath from the get go! I spent the days in the sun with my family! We lounged in the lake, rode horses up the hills and floated on a pontoon over clear blue water. I loved every minute. But the day we arrived, I fell in love. I found there in the gar...

So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36 I was a water baby. Some of my best summer days were spent making our way up the hill in a blue mini van to swimming lessons. There was nothing like a day spent in the water soaking up the sun. I remember my colorful one pieces and the smell of chlorine. And even as I lather on my sunscreen now, I'm taken back there a little!  I love the water. There's nothing like that chill the moment you jump in and the H2O steals your breath. And as I watch my three year old cousin learn to swim, I'm reminded of the excitement and adventure that comes with the water! In a matter of weeks he went from swimming small distances, to doing torpedo jumps, diving for rings, and swimming the entire length of the pool. It all happens so fast once you dive in. You go from splashing to swimming like Nemo in what seems like only minutes. Because, the truth is, when you get in the water there's really two options; you sink or swim....

" Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.” 1John 3:2  I caught myself looking back.  It was a nonchalant glance. You know the one you do to survey the crowd. It had been awhile since I had been to Mass at my Parish and I just had to do the spin to see. Maybe the man of my dreams would be sitting there, five rows back, tall, dark, and handsome and kneeling in the pew. He was not.  I turned around half disappointed, half appalled. As I bent my head to continue my prayer, I wondered why I did that. I get it. I'm hungry. In a real way, I am hungry to find the man of my dreams. But as I looked back, and looked forward again, I saw something so obvious in my quest. I cannot be the girl that looks back any longer. And as I looked up at the Cross, and looked forward at my future, and all that God is calling me to, not only did I know that I co...

"I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams..." The Fellowship of the Unashamed  The leather was worn. Those new boots, the ones I had opened up for Christmas, now had round marks on the toes. Three months it took for new leather in dark caramel, that used to shine so brightly, to fade to light camel brown. I guess you could say I'm tough on my things. Especially shoes and blue jeans. My favorite pairs I wear until the holes in them are straight through to my skin and there's no hiding it anymore. But when I find things I love, I just love them. Completely. Fully. Totally. Everyday.  But I was sad, the day I looked down at these brand new boots and saw the imperfection. I thought about who would notice, and how tacky it would look to wear them to work.  And as I analyzed the two smudged circles where the leather had faded, I began to smile.  My faded toes were from kneeling. Moments of prayer had found me on my knees daily...