ForeverLOVEd

"I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice."  Abraham Lincoln  I can still hear the crunching of metal as the two cars collided together. It had been years since the day my little yellow car was totaled in an accident that flipped me in circles, had me DUI tested, and ultimately led to my first major purchase as a grown up, my very own car. And as the sun hit my dashboard and the music played over my stereo, a sense of post dramatic stress flooded my mind. I was turning left to get on the freeway and even though there was no way the oncoming traffic would hit me I tensed up and braced myself for what was coming next. Today, it was just a collision in my mind. Like it was the present, I pictured the loss of control, the fear, the sights and smells of that major accident and for a moment I relived it.  I never really realized how much that moment shaped me. I never thought about the humiliation, the built up anxiety, and the lack of confiden...

"Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it unto me according to thy word." Luke 1:38 In the fifth grade, we collected our Dad's favorite quotes for a book for Father's Day. My dads was this..." Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Forrest Gump  Every Tuesday and Wednesday I eat salad with my coworkers. We hodgepodge together toppings of every delight and enjoy conversation and community at the small round and rickety table in our office kitchen. And then, after we have finished our bowls of cabbage and carrots, corn and cucumber, we go for what we treasure most...a bite of chocolate.  The box of chocolates sits in a special drawer and we take it out after we finish dinner each night. Set in front of us, we stare. It's a mystery, what lies in the middle of each sweet treat. And we anxiously ponder, which one we want, which one has the caramel we are in the mood for, and what will happen if we get the wrong one.  And i...

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” "Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” "Come,” he said. Matthew 14:27-29 In the middle of a storm it's always hard to remember the sun shining bright in the sky before or picture it ever peaking out from the clouds again! When it's pouring rain you hunker down under your umbrella, jump the puddles, and dodge rain drops. In the middle of the storm, you stop worrying about how cute your outfit looks. In the middle of the storm, you do what you can to catch leaks in the ceiling. And sometimes in the middle of the storm there's a moment, or a day, when you start to wonder if you should just start building an arc because there's no light around the corner, the forecast is dim, and you literally think there will never be a day again when you will see the sun. I'm in the middle of a storm. The leaks are many, the raindrops heavy, and the hope f...

"The power of the Most High will overshadow you." Luke 1:35 His eyes glistened as he peered through the glass at the puppies as they played. A trip to the mall in the hectic holiday rush left our hands quite empty as none of us were in the mood to scan the shelves for treasures and our wallets weren’t encouraging us to do much of that either. So we walked from store to store unimpressed, that is until we discovered the puppies. They jumped on top of one another, bit each other’s ears, and came to the glass to look into the sweet eyes of a four year old who was enchanted. As the dogs wrestled and we all watched, my heart saw my three brothers, who so often filled our house with rough and tumble as we grew up.  What is it with boys and wrestling? Prissy me never was too fond of the let me grab you by your neck and knock you to the floor type of love, yet to this day I recognize its beauty. You have no choice when you are the sister to three brothers.  And somehow, no m...

"So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth." Revelation 3:16 As I held her hand, gently in my own, I could feel the cold. Like the ice in my cup of cola, or my feet on the tile floor early in the morning, the sting was almost shocking. And as I felt it there, the chill, I was aware of two things, while my mom's hands were frozen, I wanted to warm them with my own.  My life would be perfect, I concluded, if the thermostat always read 73 degrees. I would never feel too hot or too cold. And here in Southern California , I know I feel entitled to that perfect forecast. But then there are exciting days when the car says it's 60 and the rain drops hit my windshield and the wind howls. And there are days when my friends and I are wishing we had worn thermal underwear to the football game, and brought the blanket from the car and ordered coffee on the way because we are freezing cold. The days when that so cold California ...

I didn't see it coming, just like most of life's best moments, I did not plan it. Yet there it was, a good thing sitting right in my lap. There was a day I thought I'd never do it again. There was a moment I thought my love would be lost forever. There was a night when tears soaked my pillow and I cried myself to sleep. There was a day.  And then so often like there always is, there was a new dawn. And there I held the promise of my Father in my own two hands, like a shining birthday gift wrapped in pink polka dots and glitter. My heart twirled like it does when you get the sweetest hug from a good friend or great love. My soul sang the goodness of the Lord. And I saw that in all things, He begged for me to know life.  The chairs sat empty as I waited for beautiful faces to fill them and prayed that the Holy Spirit would let me be a vessel of God's love. I pinched myself about a thousand times to verify that this moment was not just again a vivid dream. And whi...

"But He knows the way I take; When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:10  I was in a state of grieving. There in the middle of despair, I found my heart mourning greatly. I did not lose a family member or a friend. I did not  have to prepare a funeral or send a card. There was no formal goodbye. But in so many ways, as the tear welled up in the corner of my eyes, I wished there had been. Maybe letting go would be easier, if I buried this loss under heaps of flowers and trusted with all my heart that now God held this thing in His own two hands.  But here I sat, grieving, a loss that scooped me up like the wind swings the leaves on a blustery day. And as I let the salty drop roll down my face, my heart broke into pieces.  Every process in life, every epic fail and great success, every moment refines us. The day I learned to make lasagna for the cute boy coming to dinner and the morning I drove to my new job for the first time or the night I thought I...