Perfect LOVE.

We love because He first loved us.

1 John 4:19 

I was not one of those girls who married her high school sweetheart! I did not fall in love in a biology lab in college or on the first day on the job. It seemed like my early twenties were rushing by and yet I still had no soulmate. Time was ticking. Time still ticks but the truth is, I cannot tell you where I met my husband because to date, I do not have one. I think in my mind, when I pictured my future I pictured that I would be married, or on my way to marriage, by now! But, I am not. 

In fact, I have never even had a romantic relationship. This is something I am embarrassed to admit. And this weekend, I started to wonder why. Why was I embarrassed? Why did it bother me so much? 

Our culture tells us that in order to be a woman, we need a man. It says it everywhere. Television, novels, and magazines seem to promise us happiness once we finally find love. Have you ever watched a Disney princess movie? Can you name a princess that is not head over heels in love with a prince? From the time we can understand a simple story, we are taught that woman is almost defined by her connection to a man. I was being fooled by the culture, fooled by the devil. 

Fooled so much so that, in my mind I felt degraded by my innocence. It was not until I realized that so many woman were haunted by mistakes they made with their hearts and bodies that I started to realize the gift I have in mine. Somehow the devil was making me feel less than, because of sins I had not committed. You see the same sins girls are ashamed of, were sins that I almost felt like I was a freak for not committing. The devil is sly. And I almost bought what he was selling.

As sly as the devil is, however, my God is so much greater. And all of a sudden I realized how treasured I truly was to God. He did not lead me down the path I am on as a single woman to feel like I am unworthy. He did not do it so I could feel embarrassed when everyone else is swapping stories about making out and flopping from one boy's bed to another. He is not holding out on me or waiting for me to become perfect.  God, He did it because He loves me that much. It was not about something that God was not giving me but rather something He had so perfectly chose to give. My embarrassment was overcome by thankfulness! 

I had a conversation with a friend one time and was almost surprised by what he said. While completely happy in his marriage to a beautiful woman that he absolutely and obviously adores, he mentioned he admired the singleness of my friends and I. See, we were unattached and could go about on a whim. There was nothing stopping us from heading out of town for the weekend or going out with different groups every night of the week. I never really pictured it like that before, my heart has always longed for what he had and here he was pointing out how lucky I was. He said this because he knew God had worked in our lives so greatly through this singleness.  

I am not saying everyone who is married or fell in love young is living some sort of horrible life. They are living the life I do one day truly pray to have. But what I guess I am finding is that in every circumstance and each moment of our life when we turn to God, He shows up. 

God knows my heart longs for love and there are two things I know He using this time in my life to prove. One that He loves me. That is it, He loves me. He does not ask for me to look pretty or be holy before He will. He does not wait. He loves me now. And He will go to any length to show me. Sure, He could have given up when I thought a boy or friend or pair of cute shoes could fill the longing of my heart, but He kept knocking. He kept seeking my heart. He showed me His love over and over and continues to. Second, He showed me what love really is. See, He showed me what my heart is worth. It is worth a man dying on the cross. It is worth it all. It is worth the fight. And the time. And He, like the most beautiful Father, wants to protect my heart. He will not let me be content with anything less than what my heart deserves! 

God is not trying to give me anything less than perfect love. He loves me enough to give me this time to grow in my relationship with Him. He is not holding out on me. He does not want to embarrass me. He wants me to know that His love is enough and will always be enough. He wants me to know that before I get excited about any man pursuing me, I should know confidently that He was perusing me from the beginning. He wants me to know that His perfect love is enough to make me whole.

I pray some day I find love with a man I am proud to marry. But I am not in a rush anymore. I am not embarrassed. I trust that in all things God has a plan. And I know, that when the time is right, He will let a man have my heart. But until then , I know I'm without a doubt so blessed that for now, He has my whole heart. 

Embrace where you are right now. Wherever it is, God is loving you perfectly in this moment. And will continue to love you perfectly. Let His love be enough.